So, I´m a little frustrated, but feeling much more tranquila. I really think that Saul is scared of what could happen between us, and I understand that ... but the whole ¨si Dios quiere¨ thing is soooo frustrating. I strongly believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason, that he gives us certain gifts so that we can help other people, and that he gives us opportunities that we need to take advantage of. He does not, however, live our life for us. Life is not passive, we need to take what God gives us and work with it. It´s not magic. He puts people in our lives at certain times, and gives us certain opporunities for things, but the opportunities that he gives us are not unlimited. You need to fight through life for what you believe in and what you are passionate about. God can only do so much for us. And it is his will that things happen, he will direct our paths accordingly, (that is if we listen to him). Yes, he gives us obstacles, and the obstacles between Saul and I are many, but this is like a second chance for us. If it is his will tat we are together, he will provide us with the opportunities to see each other and the strength and patience to get through the times when we are not able to. But just to sit back and be like, ¨well, if God brings us back together again and we are still in love, then we know it is destiny.¨ I am all for doing what God wants in my life, and I really feel like at this point in time, this is it. I cannot think of any other reason he would have put Saul in my life (two times!). I´m not saying this is forever, but right now ... I think this is the right path. Maybe there are too many obstacles, and if we are not meant to be together, those obstacles will overcome us. But dammit, you still have to fight and live life!
It reminds me of a story that someone told me once about a guy whose house was flooded really bad, and he was waiting on his roof. He prayed to God to save him, and a little while later, a boat passed. He refused to get in, saying that he was waiting for God to save him. The boat moved on, and a little more time had passed when a helicopter came. Again, the guy refused to get in, saying that he was waiting for God to save him. After the helicopter left, the guy drowned, and appeared in Heaven in front of God. He asked him why he didn´t come to save him, and God told him ¨I sent a boat and a helicopter for you! What more did you want!?¨ The answers that God gives us and the opportunities he presents are not always crystal clear, but when he does present them, it is up to us to aprovecharlos. He sends us in the right direction, guides us (with obstacles, opportunities, etc), but in the end ... we live our lives, not him.
Whats more is that we cannot choose who we love. Only God knows why we fall in love with who we do. I honestly think that I fell in love with Saul because of God. I didn´t choose Saul, God did. You have to be willing to fight for things in life, and if he doesn´t love me enough to fight for me, well ... I´d rather know now so I could move on with my life.