So I am getting nervous. I'm nervous about moving and everything, but I'm prepared. I'm going down and have someone to meet me at the airport, a job, and a place to live. More than a lot of people going abroad to teach English can say.
I'm prepared to be lonely at first and not have friends. I'm prepared to have a hard time adjusting to my school schedule. I'm prepared to spend my waking hours thinking about school and what I need to do for school and what my kids need and and and ... I'm prepared to be scared the first few nights I'm there. I'm prepared to be disoriented around town for the first week or so. I'm prepared to get catcalled. I'm prepared to be the center of unwanted attention, because I'm blonde, a gringa, and *oh my god* I speak Spanish. I'm prepared to be really freakin hot. I'm prepared to come home for Christmas and want to go back really bad and not want to go back all at the same time.
But I'm really nervous about teaching. But I shouldn't be. I can't say that I'm completely prepared. But I have the curriculum. I have the books. They tell me what to do. I'm good with kids. I speak Spanish. I have books and lists of all the games that I'll use in class. I have week one (vaguely) planned out for 1st and 2nd grades. Those are the hardest because it's review. They aren't planned out for me. Everything else pretty much is. I have the books and the materials and the ideas. I have the desire. I'm prepared to fall in love with the kids that I teach, even the most difficult ones.
But I'm still scared. It's normal. I was terrified when I moved to San Diego, and my dad was already there. I was scared to go to Costa Rica and have to live with a host family and *gasp* talk in Spanish. I was scared. But I came out with some of the best experiences I have to date. And this will be no different. And well, I can always come home. But I expect to make a new home, there. And I expect that when I finally do have to come home to deal with grad school and undergrad loans and teach for america (if I get accepted) - well, I expect that I will feel the same dread and desire that I felt when I left Costa Rica, but 10 times stronger. I was only there for 4 months and made such a home there. I'll be in Honduras for 5 times that long.
I'm so excited for myself and the experiences I'm going to have. I'm proud of myself for just doing it. It was never a "should I go?" It was a "where should I go to?" I'm proud that I'm confident and independent enough to do what I want to do, what I have dreamed about. Here is when I tell myself "suck it up. pack. and get on the airplane."